I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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