And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
