I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You have to summon your inner elephant
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
