I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
