I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
