last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
