I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
