I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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