I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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