i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm bleeding and have questions
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
