I can text with my tongue
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
