I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
