I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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