Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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