The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
