goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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