If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
