Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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