Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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