"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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