hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My hand turned me down
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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