its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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