The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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