Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
