I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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