Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
