Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
