Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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