the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
