I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
