Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
