are you still at the devil's house?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
