i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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