so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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