I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
