there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
