I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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