I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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