Buhtt sex?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
