what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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