she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
