Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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