im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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