just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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