i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
