This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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