i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
