Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was a blind-side dick pic.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
