i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
