I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
