Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
