just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
