Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
