..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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