Define "chronic" masturbator.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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