ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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