he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
