Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
