i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
