i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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