Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
