after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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