tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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