All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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