I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
