that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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