i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
