Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
