Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
