my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
