her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
