were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
