Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
