Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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