Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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