I just saw a hot homeless man
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
