grandma shit on top of the toilet
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
