I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize