mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
