our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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