I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
