Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
